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You are amazing without a boyfriend

Viki Taylor, 24th Mar 2018
Tags: Life Blog Purpose Relationships

There’s a secret that many girls won’t tell you. Some will keep this a secret; some will share with their closest friends only.

Many boyfriends will be blissfully unaware of the depth of planning, whereas
some will be told every little detail.

Most girls have a well-designed and well-thought out wedding Pinterest board.

Let me share with you this secret; most girls have a well-designed and well-thought out wedding Pinterest board.

Bride and groom on wedding day

I understand it’s not exactly shocking, and perhaps it comes as no surprise. But as we scroll through Pinterest before bed, we save endless photos of rings, centre pieces, bridesmaid dresses and signage.

Expectation begins to rise within us, and a bar is raised, which is sometimes unachievable.

We see no problem in this as un-engaged young women, it purely serves our creative minds and gives us ideas for the future. But as we spot the perfect platinum princess-cut ring, expectation begins to rise within us, and a bar is raised, which is sometimes unachievable.

Allow me to explain that I am not writing this to condemn my no doubt hundreds of female (and possibly male) friends who pin to these boards, nor am I suggesting a girl can’t dream. I am simply drawing on my own experience of allowing an innocent Pinterest search to become something much bigger: an attitude of discontentment with the present, and an expectation that leads to disappointment.

Cartoon cat sighing
Image Credit: Tenor

Last month I did something scandalous. I deleted my wedding Pinterest board. Why? Because I realised that the various images of dresses, venues and rings appearing on my timeline became the fruit of a deeper heart issue: the discontentment with where I was, and where I believe God had placed me. 

Focus was placed so much on the future, that I was missing my purpose for now.

The focus was placed so much on the future, that I was missing my purpose for now. I allowed false beliefs to enter my mind, creating an idea that my purpose is fulfilled by my relationship status. Thankfully, I was reminded of two things that I’d love to share with you.

  • Number one: I have purpose right now, where I am at. 

God will constantly be teaching me and growing my relationship with him, but this doesn’t mean I don’t have a purpose and a calling over my life right now. 

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It is easy to believe the lie that life fulfilment can come from a relationship, or your grades, or who your friends are. How often do we think or speak the words “I’ll be happy when I’m out of school,” or “I’ll be happy when I’ve reached 2,000 followers,” or “I’ll be happy when I find a boyfriend?” 

I will be the first to hold my hands up and confess that I have spoken many of those words.

I can be content with who I am made to be, and enjoy the place I am now.

The reality is that life fulfilment comes only from our Creator. God has spoken
a purpose over my life as a single young woman, which is no more or less than my purpose in the future. For this reason, I do not need to focus on planning my life, but can instead be content with who I am made to be, and enjoy the place I am in, and do my best at what my calling is now.

  • Number two: Who I am is not made up of who I date, who I’m friends with, or what I do. 

I am enough because my God says I am enough. He speaks over my life and calls me "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14), "clothed in strength and dignity" (Proverbs 31:25) and "more than a conqueror" (Romans 8:37). 

My identity does not come from my relationship with my boyfriend, my friendships, family, education, job, or my social status.

My identity does not come from my relationship with my boyfriend, my friendships, family, education, job, or my social status. 

This means that when one of those things does not go according to my plan, I am still loved and accepted for who I am, by a God who created me to be me.

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For the girls who think they are too young, too inexperienced, or simply not enough because they are single, let’s call out that lie now. Let’s choose to believe the truth of a present purpose, and take a stance of contentment. 

Our identities come from the person God created us to be.

When we learn that our identities come from the person God created us to be, we can pursue contentment, living out his plan for us right at this moment. We can joyfully let go of the Pinterest wedding board, let go of the discontentment, and step into who and what God has made us for.

So I encourage you, that thing you’ve had in the back of your mind that you just don’t feel good enough to do? Begin it.

That vision he’s given you for a movement? Start moving.

That gift he’s given you that you’ve kept to yourself? Let it shine.

That gift he’s given you that you’ve kept to yourself? Let it shine.

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My prayer for you is that you would be content in who you are, and step into your purpose, whatever that may be. You’re unique, loved, and have a kingdom purpose assigned by your Creator. 

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12-13)

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